"...ever since your goal found out that you were traveling toward it, it has been running to meet you.” - Paulo Coelho

"That is the beauty of the person who continues onward with enthusiasm and respect for the mystery of life as his only guide... He often has to stop because his strength fails him. At such moments, love appears and says: You think you're heading toward a specific point, but the whole justification for the goal's existence lies in your love for it. Rest a little. But as soon as you can, get up and carry on. Because ever since your goal found out that you were traveling toward it, it has been running to meet you.”

― Paulo Coelho

I had a sudden and blinding epiphany that I have a second chance to chase my dreams. I realized that the childhood dreams that I believed in so passionately once are not dead, but are more alive than ever. I have been given another try at being creative, intuitive, inspirational and bold. There is something out there waiting for me to grab it and wrestle it into my arms. There is something within me that is waiting to blossom into something bigger. There is a part of my soul that is starving for knowledge and freedom.

I am thrilled at this prospect of not knowing what I am supposed to do but knowing that I have the opportunity to chase it. The idea of going back to using scares me now for a different reason than it did just weeks ago. I am not afraid that I will harm my health, but that I will extinguish my flame. If I pick up another drink, my drive, my desire to search will be gone. I will be satisfied with endless days and meaningless existence. In my clear head, I can no longer be happy without learning, without questioning, without creating. I was dying physically, but my aspirations were altogether dead.

I want so badly to believe that things will change inside of me, in fact, they already have. I know I could go back to drinking, but I will never be the same as before. I know that there is something better now. There is a plan that I need to trust in and traverse. Every moment of my life has lead to this realization and there is no turning back. I am so excited for this journey. The unknown isn't as scary when you are actively searching and not mindlessly riding the waves. I am still scared, but hopeful. Unsure but curious. Cautious but optimistic.